Facebook Chats (Recovered by Gin)
by Sweet-Lemonade
Summary: "Hello! Gin here! I was snooping through Grimm-Kitty's computer when I found out that he had a Facebook. I started to read through his conversations, that he luckily didn't delete, and found them entertaining. So, here is all of Grimmy's conversations on Facebook! Enjoy !" Swearing, mentions of GrimmIchi, graphic imaging.
1. Chapter 1

Grimmjow = Grimmjow

_Ichigo = Ichigo_

* * *

Sup, Kurosaki.

_Wait, what the fuck? Who is this?_

Who do you think, asshole?

_Since when did you get a facebook, Grimmjow? And why did you friend me? We're enemies. -_-_

Oi! Don't do that face! And plus, I didn't even want one.

_Then why do you have one?_

…Ulquiorra made me one…?

_Nice try. Now tell the truth_.

FINE! I saw Gin looking all cheerful and laughing. So I wanted to know what the big fucking deal was.

_...I still don't believe you._

Well, fuck you too. Didn't ask for your opinion, berry-head.

_Don't call me berry-head, kitty bitch._

WHAT THE FUCK!? I'M NOT A FUCKING KITTY! I'M A PANTHER! WHO TOLD YOU ANYWAYS!?

_Gin._

GOD DAMN IT, GIN!

_Hey, calm down now. Don't want your meaty fingers breaking your keyboard. XD_

Shut the fuck up, Kurosaki.

_Make me._

Gladly.

_I was joking._

…..

_O-oi! I was joking! Don't come near me!_

…..

_FUCKING ANSWER ME!_


	2. Chapter 2

Grimmjow = Grimmjow

_Ichigo = Ichigo _

Rukia = Rukia

* * *

_That wasn't cool, man._

What? You asked for it.

_I was joking! I didn't expect you to actually come to my house, you asshole!_

Well, now you've learned your lesson. XD The look on your face was priceless!

_Shut up!_

An idiot once told me, make me.

_And a dickhead once told me, go fuck yourself._

When did I say that?

_When haven't you said that?! You say it all the fucking time!_

By the way, did you like the way I made you shut up~? ^.-

_-/- Shut the hell up…_

You seemed to like it~. With you moaning my name the whole time~. You were moaning so loud that I didn't know if my name was Grimmjow or God~.

_GO FUCK YOURSELF! RUKIA IS READING THIS OVER MY SHOULDER!_

Oh, hi bitch. I made Ichigo moan more than I bet you ever will.

_Grimmjow! Shut up!_

***Rukia was added to the conversation***

Well, at least he gets to see me 24/7

Shut the hell up, midget.

_Guys…_

Oh, you gonna shut me up the same way you shut up Ichigo?

Oh, hell no. I would rather drown myself in sand.

_Grimmjow!_

And why's that?

Well, let me put this in a way you'll understand. The thought of my dick touching your pussy disgusts me so much that I would rather cut off my balls.

_… That was so disturbingly graphic…_

Bye…

***Rukia left the conversation***


	3. Chapter 3

Grimmjow = Grimmjow

_Ichigo = Ichigo_

Renji = Renji

* * *

Are you telling the truth? Or are you just trying to gross me out?

_I swear! Gin seriously told me that Grimmjow tried to fuck himself with his own tail in his released form!_

***Grimmjow was added to the conversation***

Hey, fuckers.

_…_

…

What were you two talking about?

_N-nothing…_

Ichi, I can see you. Why the hell are you laughing so hard?

_Wait, what the fuck?! Where are you?!_

Outside your house.

That's not creepy at all. XD

_Shut up, Renji_

Oh, so you're talking to the pineapple and not me?!

I ain't a fucking pineapple!

Oh, yeah. Totally .

_Grimmjow. Please don't be rude to my friends anymore._

Well, since you said please...no.

_God damn it!_

You should have seen that one coming, Ichi.

Hey! No one calls him Ichi other than me!

_Whatever, buttfucker._

LOL!

What the fuck? -looks at conversation before he came on- … Ichi...I'm gonna do you so hard tonight, you won't be able to walk for a MONTH!

_OH SHIT! RENJI! HELP ME!_

Sorry, Ichigo. You're on your own.

_RENJI!_

***Renji left the conversation***


	4. Chapter 4

Grimmjow = Grimmjow

_Ichigo = Ichigo_

Ulquiorra = Ulquiorra

* * *

How'd you like your punishment~?

_-_- Why is it that you only talk to ME?_

Cuz everyone is either a cunt or an asshole

_Dude, come on. Try to actually make friends!_

Give me 6 good reasons why I should.

_Why 6?_

Just give me 6 good reasons!

_Fine! 1 You annoy the shit out of me. 2 You only have me and it's a little sad. 3 You're scaring off my friends. 4 It'll be good for you. 5 You should do it for me. And 6… um… I love you~ :)_

…God damn it, Ichi. Don't pull the 'I love you' crap on me. That's not fair.

_How is it not fair? I just gave you 6 good reasons._

You just gave me a blow to my pride.

_Don't you mean heart?_

Yeah, but I didn't want to say that.

_-_- why?_

Cuz it sounds all cheesy and shit!

_...You suck._

And you swallow my cum like it's ice cream.

_SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU ASSHOLE!_

I love you, Ichi! :)

_NO! NOT GONNA WORK!_

You're my everything and I would die without you.

_...I'm still mad that you said that…_

I'd cuddle with you every second of the day if I could.

_Grimm… it's not gonna work…_

I love you~ :)

_…Fine. I love you too._

I'll be over in 5. ^.-

How do you get him to forgive you so fast?

Mushy stuff, my fellow Emo. Mushy stuff.


	5. Chapter 5

Aizen = Aizen

Grimmjow = Grimmjow

_Ichigo = Ichigo_

* * *

What have you been up to, Grimmjow?

Nothing that you need to know about, My Lord.

You have been sneaking off a lot. What are you doing when you're gone?

Just scouting around Karakura Town for you.

Hmm...I guess Ulquiorra was lying when he told me that you had been spending time with the Kurosaki boy.

Nope. I would never do something like that. That would be defying orders.

***Ichigo was added to the conversation***

_Hey, Grimm!_

Ichigo, not the best time…

_What do you mean? I thought that you would like to hear that last night was awesome. But I don't think that you followed through with your threat to do me so hard that I wouldn't walk for a month._

Ichigo...not the time…

...So Ulquiorra was telling the truth…

Fuck…

_What's going on? I'm confused._

Ichigo Kurosaki. Have you or have you not been sleeping with Grimmjow Jaggerjack?

_Uhm...who's this?_

I was talking to Lord Aizen before you came on…

_...Oh…_

Answer the question.

_Well, would he get punished if he was?_

Yes.

_How bad would it be? Like, what would you do?_

Ichigo! Stop asking questions!

I would probably make him cook for all the Arrancars.

_That doesn't sound that bad._

Ichi, there's over a hundred of them and they all refuse to eat the same thing that another is eating.

_...No, I am not sleeping with Grimmjow. He just comes over to fight and he threatened to break my legs so I wouldn't be able to walk for a month._

...Uh, huh. So, he has not...shoved it in you yet?

_What do you mean by yet!?_

This is part of my plan.

_EVERYTHING IS PART OF YOUR FUCKING PLAN! I BET JESUS' BIRTH WAS PART OF YOUR PLAN!_

…

… I hadn't even been born when he was alive.

_Psh. Yeah, right._

Ichigo… please shut up now.

_Okay…_

I'm sorry, Lord Aizen. Can I just… clean the halls instead?

No, you don't have to do anything. As I said before, this was all part of my plan.

_I bet it wasn't and you're just saying that so you can sound cool._

Ichigo! Shut up! Or else!

_Or else what~?_

I will fuck you into the mattress to where you need to get a new one.

_Hmm~ I was expecting something worse than that~ At least I was hoping it would be worse~_

...I'll leave you two alone…

***Aizen left the conversation***

_Welp! My work here is done! See ya, Grimm!_

Wait, what?!

_Bye, bye~! Think of a better punishment for me on the way to my house~!_

***Ichigo left the conversation***

...Bad time for Ichigo to be in his 'kinky mood'...


	6. Chapter 6

Grimmjow = Grimmjow

_Ichigo = Ichigo_

Renji = Renji

_Uryu = Uryu_

* * *

_Kurosaki. Have you finished your half of the homework._

_Nah, sorry, Uryu._

_Don't say sorry. Get it done._

_Hey, you can't boss me around like that!_

_I can if my partner is slacking off._

_If you don't stop, I'll invite Grimmjow into this chat._

_You wouldn't dare._

_Try me._

_You're bluffing._

***Grimmjow was added to the conversation***

Oi, why'd you bring me into this? I hate the four-eyes.

_Damn it, Kurosaki!_

_Told you I would do it!_

-_- Wait, so I'm just a threat?

_Yeah, pretty much._

That stings, Ichi-babe. I thought you loved me.

_Grimm, I do, but you can get annoying at times. Like Renji._

Oh! Speaking of Renji!

_Don't you dare._

***Renji was added to the conversation***

Oops. My finger slipped.

_Fuck you._

You wish.

_Would you two stop flirting._

Oh, come on, Uryu. Stop acting like you have a stick up your ass.

HAHA! NICE ONE, PINEAPPLE!

I'M NOT A FUCKING PINEAPPLE!

_Uryu, I'll apologize. I brought this upon us… it's like a fire storm._

_For once, I agree with you._

Hey! Don't be like that Ichi~. You had the best night of your life last night and now you're complaining about me~ That's not fair~.

…

_...Please restrain from talking about your personal...activities._

I'd rather not.

_Grimm…_

I tied Ichigo down on his bed and put a cock ring on him, fucking him until he was begging me to let him cum~.

_GRIMMJOW!_

_Thank you SO much for that image…_

You know, if I ever just wanted to jack off, instead of watching porn, I could just ask Grimmjow how sex went with you guys.

…Dude...

_...What the fuck?_

***Uryu left the conversation***

***Ichigo left the conversation***

Damn it, Ichi!

So, how was sex last night? XD

Get the fuck away from me!

***Grimmjow left the conversation***

Damn it…


	7. Chapter 7

Grimmjow = Grimmjow

_Ichigo = Ichigo_

Urahara = Urahara

* * *

Hey, Berry-chan~

_Urahara, don't call me that._

But why!?

_Because you know I'm with someone!_

But you won't tell me who it is~

_Because I don't want you to know._

AW! I feel hated by you!

_Good._

_Ichi-chan~! Don't be mean~!_

_God damn it! You're as bad as Grimmjow!_

I am? Hmmm…

***Grimmjow was added to the conversation***

_Damn it, Urahara!_

Grimmy-chan~! Do you know who Berry-chan is with? He wont tell me.

… Are you on crack or something? He's with me.

...What?! He chose you over me!? I always knew that Ichi was a masochist!

_Urahara! Shut the fuck up!_

Yeah, Ichi really loves to get spanked.

Ooh! Ichi~ You dirty little boy~

_Would you guys please stop talking about me like that…and I'm not a masochist…_

Yeah, you are, Ichi. I bet you're turned on at the thought of being punished by me~.

_S-shut up! o/o No one asked you!_

Heh, ya want me to come over, Ichi~?

_… yes please._

Aw, can I join you guys?

No.

_N-no!_

It's not fair…

He, well, I gotta go and punish Ichi~ See ya in a bit, Berry-chan~

***Grimmjow left the conversation***

_…_

Have fun getting punished, Ichi-chan~!

_Shut up, you pervert…_

***Ichigo left the conversation***


	8. Chapter 8

Grimmjow = Grimmjow

_Ichigo = Ichigo_

Renji = Renji

_Byakuya = Byakuya_

* * *

_Ichigo Kurosaki. I demand you come to the Soul Society at once._

_What? Who is this?_

_This is captain of squad 6, Byakuya Kuchiki._

_Wait, why are you telling me to come to the Soul Society?_

_You must be joking. Renji told me everything._

_What the fuck did Renji say?! One second!_

***Renji was added to the conversation***

_Renji! What the hell did you tell Byakuya!?_

...I'm sorry, Ichi. He was wondering why you weren't coming to the Soul Society that much and I told him that you were busy. He then asked me what you were busy with and it kinda just...slipped out…

_...Fuck you, Renji._

_If you do not come to my squad right away, I will be forced to come and get you._

_That won't be necessary…_

Oh, god. Ichigo, don't you dare!

***Grimmjow was added to the conversation***

_Oopies. My finger slipped, you asshole!_

...What's going on here? Did I miss something good?

_Arrancar, leave the conversation. Now. My business is with Ichigo._

Hey, now. What 'business' do you have with him, eh?

_That is none of your concern._

Captain…

Oh, really? Well, it seems you don't know who you're talking to. If you didn't already know, I'm Ichigo's boyfriend and everything that goes on in his life goes through me first.

_Grimm… That's not entirely true…_

Hush, Ichi. I'm trying to sort this shit out.

_Don't tell me to hush! I can have my say in this if I want._

No, you can't. Considering how you got in trouble with this asshole, you can't have your say in this anymore.

_Hey! That's not fair!_

Life's not fair, Ichi!

...Uh, guys…?

_Let them be, Renji. We will speak to him later._

Right.

***Byakuya left the conversation***

***Renji left the conversation***

_You asshole! What the hell is wrong with you?!_

I'm just a little upset that you got yourself in trouble, like always.

_Who are you talking about?! Me or you?!_

I'm talking about you! Do you really think that I don't notice the way your 'friends' look at you?!

_What are you trying to say, Grimm?!_

You know exactly what I'm saying! It seems like you're closer to your friends then I think you say!

_This is insane! I can't take this anymore!_

What do you mean by that?! What, are you just gonna go get Renji to go and suck you off?!

_I'm done, Grimm. You are just… I can't even explain it, but I can't take...THIS anymore. I'm done._

Oi! What are you saying?!

_You know exactly what I'm saying! I'm saying we're through! Every single time someone finds out that we're together, it just brings more trouble to me! I know that you might not care, but I do! I don't want to continue to lose my friends just because of you! We're through!_

Ichi! Don't say that! I'm sorry!

***Ichigo left the conversation***

...Ichi…


	9. Chapter 9

Grimmjow = Grimmjow

Ulquiorra = Ulquiorra

_Ichigo = Ichigo_

* * *

***Grimmjow was added to the conversation***

Ulquiorra. I need to talk.

Why should I listen to trash like you?

Just, please! You're the only one close enough to a friend that isn't dead!

...Fine. But make it quick.

Ichigo broke up with me.

And? I'm surprised that he didn't break up with you sooner.

Hey! I love him! Shut the fuck up!

Didn't you want to talk to me?

Well, I need support.

Wow, I never thought that you would say something like that.

I'm depressed! Why else do you think I haven't been coming to the meetings?!

Because I thought you were sick and tired of listening to Aizen.

...There's that, but I've just been...don't make fun of me, but I've been really upset over this.

How did your relationship start anyways?

It happened when I went to his house one night to fight him and we then kinda turned into fuck buddies. And I never thought that we could actually be together without trying to rip each other's head off, but I then started to get these...mushy feelings.

Love?

Yeah, I guess so.

If you want my opinion, then I think you should tell him how sorry you are and tell him that you love him. If I know Kurosaki like I think I do, he will be very touched and will regret breaking up with you.

But, I've already told him that I love him.

Was it in a joking manner? Or was it just to get something you want from him?

...Yeah.

Then you just have to say something like, "Ichigo. I love you and I want to be with you. I'm so sorry for what I did and I really want to be with you."

Thanks. But wait. How do you know so much about relationships?

Where do you think I go when I say that I'm checking up on something?

Orihime?

Yes.

Wow, didn't expect that.

Most people don't.

Well, thanks Ulquiorra. I really appreciate it.

***Grimmjow left the conversation***

You got all that, Kurosaki?

_...Yeah, I did._

I told you. He's been locked in his room for a week. And when he comes out, he looks very depressed.

_So he really does care about me…_

Yes, he does.

_...I'll talk with him._

That would be best.

_Thank you, Ulquiorra._

***Ichigo left the conversation***


	10. Chapter 10

Grimmjow = Grimmjow

_Ichigo = Ichigo_

* * *

Ichigo. I need to talk with you.

_Why? Give me 6 good reasons._

Don't pull that on me, Ichi.

_Hm. I guess I'll just ignore you._

Fine. Okay, 1 I've been thinking about this for a week. 2 Uh…this is REALLY important. 3 I think that it's in your interest too, maybe. 4 I will not bother your friends. 5 I won't bother you ever again if you reject what I want to talk about with you. And 6...I love you.

_The last one doesn't count._

Ichigo, please. Please, just hear me out.

_...Fine._

Thank you.

_…That's the first time I think you've ever said thank you to me before._

Because I'm a jerk and I know that now.

_Wow, you finally figured it out?_

Yes, and I'm sorry that I was such an asshole to you and your friends. I'm sorry that when we were together that you got in trouble and I'm so sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it at all like that, it's just that…you were with your friends more than me and it kinda…got under my skin. Not like that! Meaning that, well, I was just a little jealous. I'm sorry that whenever I came over we only had sex and then I would leave. It didn't seem like a relationship. And I'm sorry for everything.

_Grimm...I forgive you, but I'm still not sure if we're gonna work. I mean, we're enemies and someday we're gonna have to fight and one of us is gonna die, I know this. I don't want to date someone that I will have to kill._

Ichi…Please. I love you. I love you so much and I want to be with you. If we're gonna have to kill each other, then I'd rather join your side. The possibility that I may have to kill you makes me feel as if my heart is splitting in two.

_I don't know if that's gonna work, G. I mean, the Soul Society might not accept you._

Then I'll swear my loyalty to your head captain and that if I do something that they don't like, I will let them do whatever they think is the right punishment.

_…You're really serious about this, huh?_

I'm not serious about this, I'm serious about you. I love you and I want to always be with you.

_…I guess there's nothing I can tell ya._

What do you mean? Are…are you not gonna take me back?

_I never said that._

Wait, what?

_I don't know what to say that will trick my own feelings. :)_

…I love you, Ichigo. I love you. I'm coming over right now. Not for sex. And I'm not gonna leave for awhile. I just wanna be with you right now. And I want to be with you all the time.

_Then we should probably get you a Giaga._

I'll be over in 10.

_I'll be waiting._

* * *

**I think I'm gonna end it here and just make an actual story out of it. Sound good? :)**


End file.
